also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
