matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize