Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
