11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
