would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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