I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
