Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize