she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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