MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
