So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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