Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
