Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
