I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize