last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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