I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
