i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
