He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
