I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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