do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
