Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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