So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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