i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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