sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
