Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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