its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why do cheetos always look like penises
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
