careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
