I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize