remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
