Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
