My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
