He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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