Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
