There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
