if i can run in heels then i can drive
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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