"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
