That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
