after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
