That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
