i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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