Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
