If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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