got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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