How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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