I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
