maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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