you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
