Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
