I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
