My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
