I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
