I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
