I can tuck mytits in my pants
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
