I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
