mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
