come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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