dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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