i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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