I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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