You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
