508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
