i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
