Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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