He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
