just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found a bag of teeth...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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