We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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