Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
