I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
