Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
